OK, so some of these are bad. REAL bad. But some will also give you a chuckle. Enjoy our 100 corny journalism jokes!

1. Pessimist: The glass is half empty… Optimist: The glass is half full. Journalist: You won’t BELIEVE what’s in this glass!
2. What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable? A common tater
3. How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? We just report the facts. We don’t change them.
4. I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays an handed me her iPad. That fly didn;t stand a chance.
5. Hey, are you a newspaper? Because there’s a new issue with your every single day.
6. What blood type are editors? Typo Negative
7. The newspaper hired a new italian capital correspondent. They were the Times’ new Roman.
8. What do zombies read in the newspaper? The head lines
9. Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
10. Why did the reporter talk to the ice cream? He was looking for the scoop.
11. What do you call journalists who cover weightlifting? Bench press
12. A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
13. What do you call a quick moving newsreader? Justin
14. Why did the journalist stare at the orange juice container? Because it said “concentrate” on it.
15. How do you confuse a journalist? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
16. Why did the journalist climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side!
17. Why did the journalist bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
18. What did the journalist say when they saw the sign in front of the YMCA? “Look, they spelled MACY’S wrong!”
19. How do you make a journalist’s eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
20. Why did the journalist tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So they wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
“21. Why did the journalist
get so excited after finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months? Because the box
said “2-4 years”!”
“22. How do you know a journalist’s been using the computer?
There’s white-out on the screen.”
“23. Why did the journalist stare at the can of orange juice
for hours? Because it said “concentrate.””
“24. How did the journalist break their leg while raking
leaves? They fell out of the tree.”
“25. Why did the journalist get fired from the M&M
factory? They kept throwing away all the W’s.”
“26. What do you call a journalist with half a brain?
Gifted.”
27. Why don’t journalists like making Kool-Aid? They can’t fit 8 cups of water into that little packet.
28. How do you make a journalist laugh on Monday? Tell them a joke on Friday.
29. How do you keep a journalist busy? Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.
30. How do you confuse a journalist? You don’t, they’re born that way.
31. Why don’t journalists make good pharmacists? They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.
32. Why did the journalist climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side!
33. Why did the journalist bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
34. Why did the journalist bring a ladder to work? Because they wanted to get the scoop!
35. How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but they’ll interview the bulb for hours to get the full story.
36. Why did the journalist go to art school? Because they wanted to learn how to draw conclusions!
37. Why did the journalist bring a mirror to the interview? To get the inside scoop.
38. What’s a journalist’s favorite drink? The lead on the rocks.
39. How did the journalist fix their computer? They wrote a breaking news story about it until it fixed itself!
40. Why did the journalist become an archaeologist? Because they wanted to dig up old news!
41. Why was the grammar teacher hired by the newspaper? Because they knew how to spell success.
42. How does a journalist say goodbye? “That’s a wrap for today’s edition!”
43. What do you call a journalist without a deadline? Unemployed!
44. What’s a journalist’s favorite exercise? The “press” up!
45. How do you make a journalist stop talking? Give them a deadline!
46. How do you find a journalist at a party? Don’t worry; they’ll find you and start asking questions.
47. Why did the journalist bring a broom to the office? To sweep up the “lead” stories.
48. Why did the journalist break up with their editor? They just couldn’t find the right “angle” for the relationship.
49. How do journalists prepare for a big interview? They “press” their clothes.
50. Why did the journalist become a gardener? Because they heard it was a good way to “dig up” dirt.
51. How do journalists greet each other? “Have you heard any ‘breaking news’ today?”
52. Why do journalists make terrible detectives? They always jump to conclusions!
53. Why did the journalist bring a ladder to the newsroom? Because they heard the stories were always “higher” up.
54. Why did the journalist start a gardening column? Because they wanted to cover “groundbreaking” news.
55. How do journalists settle disagreements? They have a “press” conference.
56. What did the journalist say to the detective during an interview? “I’m just here to ‘report’ the facts.”
57. Why did the journalist always carry a first-aid kit? In case they stumbled upon a “breaking news” story.
58. How do journalists organize their bookshelves? They use the “inverted pyramid” method.
59. Why do journalists make terrible comedians? Because they can never resist the urge to fact-check the punchlines.
60. How do journalists take their coffee? With a “lead” and two “sources.”
61. Why did the journalist start a seafood column? Because they wanted to dive into “fishy” stories.
62. How do journalists make decisions? They flip a “news coin.”
63. Why did the journalist start a cooking show? Because they wanted to be the “hot topic.”
64. What’s a journalist’s favorite holiday? “Deadline Day.”
65. Why did the journalist bring a compass to the zoo? To find the “bear”-ing on the story.
66. How do journalists apologize? They issue a “retraction.
67. Why did the journalist bring a magnifying glass to the library? To find the “fine print.”
68. A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!” Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.” The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”
69. Q: What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A: A common tater !
70. Q: How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? A: “We just report the facts, we don’t change them.”
71. Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
72. Q: What do you get if you cross a newsreader and a toad ? A: A croaksman!
73. Q: Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A: A cub reporter.
74. Q: What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader? A: A spooksman!
75. What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode? Oh the huge manatee!
76. A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad? No comment.
77. A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad? No comment.
78. A journalist is sentenced to die at the gallows, but they run out of rope. He says: “I guess no noose is good news”
79. When journalists quote you, they have a subtle but unmistakable way to call out your grammatical errors. It’s a [sic] burn.
80. Went to a journalists house for dinner and he’d put stickers over his ketchup, mayo and tobasco bottles. Apparently he likes to keep all his sauces anonymous.
81. When it comes to fact-checking, journalists are lazy. Source: Wikipedia.
82. A journalist once asked Freddie Mercury what he wanted. The question was: “you say you want to break free, you want to ride your bicycle, you want to make a supersonic man out of me… What do you want at the end?” He answered : “I want it all and I want it now.”
83. Pessimist: The glass is half empty… Optimist: The glass is half full Journalist: You won’t BELIEVE what’s in this glass!
84. What’s a Journalist’s favorite Vegetable? Leeks
85. I was surprised when Buzzfeed laid of their journalists. I didn’t even know they had journalists!
86. What did the journalist say when someone asked her for some ketchup? “Sorry, I don’t give up my sauces.”
87. How do you reward a chicken journalist? With a poulette surprise!
88. What did the journalist say when the news broke of the gooseberries cheating on each other? This is a sad state of currant affairs.
89. I learned today that three of the guys who performed on “Rosanna” and “Africa” also played on “Dust in the Wind.” Music journalist asked them why they joined the new band and they said “Toto? We aren’t in Kansas anymore.”
90. What keyboard shortcut is extensively used by journalists who work for Breitbart News? alt right
91. Criticizing the government for Russian journalists … it’s a once-in-a-liftetime opportunity.
92. Q. How can you stop your newspaper from blowing away in the wind? A. Use a news anchor.
“93. Q. A weed grow next to the butcher shop was on fire. How did Denver TV news describe the scene?
A. High steaks!”
94. Q. How do weather forecasters greet each other? A. With a heat wave!
95. Q. Which prize did Sherman win for his historic piece on time travel? A. A Mr. Peabody Award.
96. News Flash of the Day: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win!
97. Q. What do picketers do when reporters want to photograph them? A. They strike a pose.
“98. Q. What do you call the guy on the TV news who covers angler stories and fly fishing updates?
A. A news caster.”
99. Today’s News Brief: A courtoom artist was arrested during the trial. Details are sketchy. Stay tuned for more at 10 p.m.